Replacing the Past
by SMS13
Summary: Carby and Vegetables... Could you want anything more in a fic?
1. Friends

Author's Notes: Random Story. No clue where it is going. But tell me what you think, if you like it or hate it, or if I should continue it. I got this sudden surge of inspiration cause I couldn't sleep. So Read and Review. Thanks!  
  
~*~  
  
I pulled her dark-brown hair back as I kneeled down in front of her. Her cheeks were stained red and her brown eyes continued to shed tears. She collapsed on the floor, her hands violently wiped away her tears and pushed her hair back. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. Every time I try to help her she pushes me farther away. I just need to wait for her to answer me, to give me some form of a command. She hits my hand away as I try to push her hair away from her face. I stand up, giving up the battle, and start to head over to the couch. I sit down and watch her cry in the middle of the floor. It kills me from inside, but there is absolutely nothing I can do. She's got to be able to figure things out for herself. I walk back toward her, giving her my hand. She snickers at me and wipes away another tear.   
  
"Just leave me alone? Can you do that? Just leave."   
  
I shrug my shoulders and head toward the door, the whole while keeping my eyes fixed on her. Her expression doesn't change and I walk out, shutting the door silently behind me. I descend the stairs, no clue where I am headed. I could take a walk around the block a few times and then come back and sneak into the bedroom. She will curl up on the couch and the next morning she will pretend nothing happened. A simple routine we've gotten into. We don't ask about each other's faults. I know she drinks behind my back, and I lie to her face.   
  
I start a slow stroll toward Washington, headed in no apparent direction but straight. The wind lashes at my face, but the temperature is high, and the wind is cooling. I run my hand through my short hair, and tuck my hands into my pockets. It's one of the things that gets on my mother's nerves. I think I do it for that reason alone. I know Chicago pretty well, more so this area in particular. The usual coffee shop on the corner, the 24-hour convenience store on the second block, the iron fences and the wooden steps. All seems so normal to me. I keep walking. The stars are out, leading my way. Nothing is pulling me back to her, and I wish it was. I don't know what happened to us. I thought she was the one, the one I would spend my life with, but now I see her for who she really is. A miserable, alcoholic wretch.   
  
I keep following the cement road, looking at the fully-bloomed flowers and the green leafy trees. It looks almost like a forest, minus the cars, sirens, cement floors, and screams. It could almost be peaceful. I get back to my usual steps; it had been my home for almost a year. I jog up the first set of stairs, and then the second on the interior. I get to the door and knock on it hesitantly. I didn't realize that it was almost 11 o'clock at night. I hear the chain hit the door, and the hinges squeak. She opens the door with a forced smile, leaving it open for me to follow her. She's dressed in a pair of dark pyjama pants and a grey shirt. Her windows are open letting the fresh air come in. Her ponytail flops back and forth as she walks toward the kitchen. I shut the door behind me and lock it and I continue my journey into her kitchen. She plops down on a chair, and pushes the one across from her out for me like she usually does. I take my chance and sit down, moving myself closer to the document she is reading. I pull the paper out of her hand and she laughs a little. I'll never learn. I flip through it. She's doing some presentation tomorrow, and she obviously has nothing prepared.   
  
"I thought you graduated from medical school?"  
  
She laughs a little and rolls her eyes.   
  
"I did. Except that residency is an acronym for torture Abby."  
  
I can't help but laugh and I throw the paper back at her. She takes it and places it inside her book.   
  
"I need a break. You want coffee?"  
  
I nod my head and I watch her pull herself up from the wood chair and head over to her coffee machine. I get up and walk over to her fridge, peering inside as what I can eat as a last night snack. I settle for an apple and pull it from the bowl. She rolls her eyes at me as I bite into it.   
  
"Is everything okay?"  
  
I shrug my shoulders. I'm not going to tell her everything. The only thing going right in my life is my friendship with her. I'm so afraid to loose it again. She sits down and pulls a book from the very bottom of one of her piles, sending the top ones flying across the table and floor. I lean down and pick them up, and she gives a frustrated sigh. I hear the coffee maker start to screech and I walk over to it and pull out two cups. I pour the dark brown substance into both and put two teaspoons of sugar into her cup and the same amount into mine. I walk over the fridge again and pour creamer into her cup. I mix it together and hand it to her. She gives me a thankful glance.   
  
"All-nighter?"  
  
She nods her head.  
  
"Want me to stay and help?"  
  
She starts to shake her head no, but then changes her mind. I place the cup onto the side and open up one of the textbooks that we have in front of us. I flip open to page and quickly skim it as she does the same to a different book. I see her writing notes and I take a pen out of her hair and a highlighter out of her pocket. I make a few notes along the edge of the page and we switch books. We both know the routine. We work well together. Studying, talking, working, friends. She buries her head into her hands and sighs another long sigh.   
  
"It's just paperwork. It means nothing. You're a great doctor. You've proven yourself already."  
  
She gives me a genuine smile and buries her head into her arms, still looking up at me.   
  
"I just feel like I'm going to screw something up, ya know?"  
  
I reach over, pushing the strands of her dirty blonde hair back.   
  
"The only thing you've screwed up on is not finishing sooner."  
  
She rolls her eyes, I take a roll of paper and hit her over the head.   
  
"You're really supportive."  
  
She takes the paper from my hand and unravels it, flipping through it. I take another book and do the same. It could be a long night, but I'd never notice. Time usually flies when preparing a presentation for one of the Attendings or Chiefs. The last time I looked at the clock it had been 11:13. Now it's almost 3:29 and I don't feel the least bit tired nor overwhelmed. She finally shuts all the books and organizes them on the table. She pulls a pile toward her and lays her head down on them.   
  
"So what happened?"  
  
I play with my fingers; I play with my fingers during awkward moments or when I don't want to answer. Another one of my annoying habits.   
  
"She told me to leave."  
  
She pouts a little, looking out at the living room.   
  
"She needs time."  
  
I shrug my shoulders. I doubt all the time in the world would be able to fix us. It's over as far as I know. I just wish both of us could figure that out.   
  
"And I need sleep."  
  
She shakes her head at me ironically, and pushes out of the seat. I watch her walk toward her bedroom and pull two pillows off the bed. She throws them on the couch and walks back to the kitchen, taking the cups and plates from the table and putting them into the sink. I get up, pulling off my shirt and walking toward my makeshift bed on the couch. Recently it has become my favorite place. I watch her walk from the kitchen to the bathroom to the door to check if it's locked. I switch on the lamp and she turns off the lights. I watch her walk across the room, she too, pulls off her shirt in the immense heat. She's in a black bra and my presence doesn't affect her. I hear her mutter a 'goodnight' before her springs creak and I know she's in bed. I wish I was in there with her. 


	2. Alone

Author's Notes: The only thing I beg of you.... Be so kind: read and review.   
  
I hear her alarm beeping and it knocks me out of my sleeping state. Damn alarm. I could have still been sleeping had I stayed home. But then Kathryn kicked me out. So there's no point in wishing to sleep. I hear the alarm shut off and then go crashing to the floor. She's probably tired too. I push the thin sheet off my body and throw it on the edge of the couch. I walk toward the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. We're both going to need it. After that's done, I push toward her bedroom. She's sleeping on the left side of the bed. I can vaguely remember that being my side. But that's all in the past now. I wish it wasn't. I walk toward her. She's lying in complete disarray. I plop down on the empty side and she looks at me and rolls her eyes. I poke at her side.   
  
"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty."  
  
She starts to laugh little.  
  
"You are hardly prince charming."  
  
I start to push her back toward the edge of the bed. She keeps on moaning in defense of herself but she's too tired to do anything. I give her one last push and she goes flying off the edge of the bed. Of course she latched onto me at the last minute. I go flying over the edge too. I land on top of her giggling form.   
  
"Okay get OFF. It's the other way around."  
  
I pull myself off her and stand up, giving her my hand and she takes it. She stands up and pushes the hair out of her face.   
  
"I'm going to take a shower."   
  
I nod my head and she heads off toward the bathroom. I go to the kitchen. She's untouchable. I pour myself a cup of coffee and flip on my phone. I have three messages. All probably from Kat. I don't feel like dealing with her right now. We'll get together after work or something and talk. I sit down at the table and pick up one of the books that was lying to the side. I start to flip through it, all the things I learned in medical school but forgot. I hear the water shut off and then the sound of bare wet feet hitting wooden floors. She comes out and sits down next to me, hair still wet, towel wrapped around her body.   
  
"I need coffee. I can't function."  
  
She takes the cup of coffee from my hand and takes a sip, cringing a bit at the bitter taste. I like black coffee. She puts it back in front of me and heads toward the bathroom once again. I hear the sound of a blow dryer. She's the only one that can get ready in under 10 minutes and still look fantastic. I put the book back onto the pile which I had originally taken it. I walk back toward the couch where I had left my shirt earlier in the night. She's running around in a pair of pants and a bra on, searching for some shirt. Her hair is pinned up and I have the sudden urge to let it fall to her shoulders. I would have pushed her to the bed and made love to her like we used to do. I can't. I'm the one that pushed her away. I'm the one that placed myself in this awkward position. I'm drawn to her. I've always been drawn to her. I will always be drawn to her. Maybe our relationship wasn't exactly what I had expected. But I learned that no relationship is ever like that. I had to learn that the hard way. I don't know. That first kiss had taken all of the courage I had. I always tell myself I did it because we could have died, but we were lucky. I don't know, it was the best mistake I have ever made.   
  
She finally finishes and sits down next to me on the sofa.   
  
"Good luck."  
  
She laughs a little.  
  
"I'm gonna need it."  
  
I pull a thread out of the hem of her shirt.   
  
"You'll be fine."  
  
She flips through the note cards and then put them in her bag. She throws her cell phone and her keys inside it as well.   
  
"Stay as long as you want. Wash the dishes and make my bed. I'll see you later."  
  
I throw a pillow at her on her way out. She's crazy if she things I'm going to clean her apartment. I get up and take the pillows and go into her bedroom. I pick hers up and fix them like they were before. I pull the sheet across the bed and tuck it in. It looks good. I throw her clothes into the laundry hamper and go back to the kitchen to get another cup of coffee. I pour water over the dirty dishes and grab the sponge. There's only a few in there. It takes me a second or two to fix her kitchen up. I walk toward the shower and put on the running water. I step in and take a quick shower before heading off for my shift, which starts in about an hour. I don't know why I feel more at home here, then at my own house. I wish I knew what she was thinking.   
  
I shut the lights off and make sure everything else is off. I close her door behind me and start down the stairs. I say hi to one of her neighbors as I leave and she smiles back at me. She's an old lady. I've met her on a few occasions. She thinks we're married, but we've never said anything against it. We're afraid it might confuse her. She grew up from the fifties, where monogamy was gods' word. We've changed a bit since that time.   
  
I was going to take the L, but I have time and I need a walk. The air is warm, but its going to rain later tonight. I make it to the ER in about half an hour and I pop into the lounge to find Sam sitting at the desk, filling out charts.   
  
"Hey."  
  
She looks up and smiles.   
  
"Hey."  
  
I put my bag and everything else into my locker and leave her to her work. I'm not on for another twenty minutes. They are probably still on rounds right now. Maybe I can hunt down the attending and listen to some of the medical students look stupid in front of authority. I've done it myself. I hear Kerry's screeching over the hustle and bustle of the ER. I follow her voice and she's lecturing some of the residents on diagnosis techniques. I spot Abby away in the corner of the room and I walk toward her.   
  
"So... How'd it go?"  
  
She shrugs her shoulder but I think she's holding back a smile.   
  
"I don't know."   
  
She hands me a chart for the patient she's working on and I pull a pen out of her side pocket. I skim the chart and sign off. Weaver's crutch hits the floor as she comes closer to us.   
  
"Great job, Abby. I'm glad you're here with us. Patients should feel lucky to have you over these morons."  
  
I look at Abby. I have never been complemented by Weaver. She must be doing something right. She's trying to suppress a grin, but I nudge her and she lets it out.   
  
"Congrats."  
  
She rolls her eyes but laughs.   
  
"Remind me why you went back to medical school?"  
  
She places the chart in the bin and starts to walk toward the admit desk.   
  
"Because you dumped me, went off to Africa, found yourself a new girlfriend, and I had nothing better to do with my time."  
  
I hear the bitter end to that sentence, although I know she wanted it to come out as a joke, it never does. It probably never will.   
  
"And I thought it was because you finally realize you would make a wonderful doctor."  
  
She starts to walk away and I follow on her heels. I hate this awkward moments. They don't happen a lot, but when they do, I have never said anything. I just let it dissipate. I take her arm and lead her into an empty exam room. I push her away from the door and hold her shoulders stable in front of me.   
  
"I'm sorry."   
  
She looks down at the floor then up at me once again.   
  
"I am too."  
  
I know I hurt her. It took me a while to realize it over the tough, impenetrable cover she has. I really hurt her. She wanted to stay strong, but there are times when we both have to give in. I want this to be one of those times. I want the weak, defenseless Abby back for at least a second. I want to see her cry. I want to hold her and wipe away her tears and tell her everything's going to be okay.  
  
"Abby . . . "  
  
She takes my hand gently and pushes it away from her body.  
  
"Friends. That's all we can ever be."  
  
It stabs me through my heart, but I keep holding on to her limp hand.   
  
"I know."  
  
She lets go of my hand and starts to walk toward the door.   
  
"Best friends."  
  
I move closer to her. My hand rests on her shoulder.   
  
"Lovers."   
  
I lean in for a kiss. My lips meet hers in a subtle, almost awkward tone that sends shocks through my spine. She breaks away but her fingers linger on my cheek for a second longer.   
  
"Love."  
  
She starts to shake her head.   
  
"I can't do this. I'm sorry."  
  
I take her hand and pull her back to me.   
  
"I'm not asking you to do anything but feel."  
  
She looks around. She needs something to focus on. I know she's defeated. She walks closer to me and wraps her arms around my waist. Her head rests on my chest, and my hands run up and down her back. I've wanted to hold her like this for so long.   
  
"We can't do this. You know we can't do this."  
  
I let the barrette that was holding her hair up go and her blonde hair cascades unto her shoulders. I pull it back from her face. She looks like a goddess.  
  
"Don't think."   
  
I hear her sigh and the world stops moving.   
  
"I can't do this all again."  
  
I give her one last squeeze and a kiss on her forehead. It's the closest thing I'm going to get to being with her.   
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
She hangs onto me for a second, and I hold on to her. It feels so perfect, but then it feels so wrong at the same time. A memory of so much pain. She leans up. Her lips on my skin burn through any emotions. A simple kiss on the cheek. It meant so much more to me.   
  
"Friends."  
  
I watch her walk away from me, giving me one last glace back as she opens the door. At least now I know I'm not alone. 


	3. TimeOut

I push through the trauma doors with a ten year old girl that's been in an accident. She is unstable, her BP is dropping, and I'm going to loose her airway in a matter of seconds. Sometime I wonder why I became a doctor. I hate seeing so much pain and misery on such blameless children. Abby walks in through the doors and the nurses throw the main jist of the situation at her. We need a chest tube to re-inflate her lung. Someone's got to tube her while her airway is still salvageable. I do not want to perform a traech. She seems to take over, and I'm being pushed off to the side more by every second. She grabs the chest tube out of my hand and start to make the incision for the insertion path. I see her facial expression change from calm to worried, she's stressing the tube too much. I start to push her out of the way gently, but it's no use.   
  
"Abby..."  
  
She shoots me an eerie look but concentrates back on putting the chest tube in. Its not going in, and the girl's BP is dropping. I can't let this happen.   
  
"Abby, move now!"  
  
I try to get the tube away from her but her expression is set, I can't move her. She finally gets the tube in and the BP starts to go up.   
  
"Get out."  
  
She looks at me. I can tell she's getting angry.  
  
"What?"  
  
I walk up to the girl and bend her head back, the tube is handed to me and I slide it effortlessly down her throat. She's stable for now until X-ray comes down and we also need a portable ultrasound from the other room.   
  
"Get out. You are relieved of this case."  
  
She senses the authority in my voice but she takes no heed of it. Great. I'm in for it.   
  
"Why don't you get out. It's not like your doing anything."  
  
I hear one of the nurses yell out that she's throwing PBC's on the monitor. Goddamn it. Internal bleeding. This isn't good. I rush towards the ultrasound so does she.   
  
"Get OUT!"  
  
She grabs the machine from me.   
  
"Shut up and check her lungs."  
  
I check the screen as she's running the ultrasound over her stomach. A nicked liver. She needs surgery. I see Elizabeth running towards the room and I get a sense of relief. She checks the vitals and quickly takes her towards the elevator. I write an order for 3 units of O negative blood to be sent up. The chart is handed to Chuny who runs after the bed. I'm left alone with Abby. Silence. Awkward silence. I'm suddenly thankful for Weaver's enterance. She looks around the room and at both of us, standing covered in blood.   
  
"What was going on?"  
  
I shake my head and she refuses to meet my gaze. I look at Weaver and she's not buying my denials.   
  
"Go into the suture room; I don't care what you do. You have to be able to work together!"   
  
The door swings shut and I look at her. I can see the beginnings of a laugh forming on her lips. We are like two little kids that have been sent to a corner and told to kiss and make up. She rolls her eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh. She starts walking towards the suture room and I follow on her heels.   
  
"Are we seriously doing this?"  
  
She turns around and rolls her eyes at me.   
  
"I need a break. Plus, their Weaver's orders."  
  
I follow her into teh room and shut the door behind me. She sits down on the bed and I take a stool from teh desk in teh corner. We were in here this morning. This place seems to have a magnetic force that draws us closer to it.   
  
"I'm sorry. I should have given you a chance."  
  
She looks at me and shruggs her shoulders.   
  
"I'm not. You were being a jerk."  
  
I was running a trauma in a life or death situation. What am I supposed to be? Polite?   
  
"I"m an Attending. You're a resident. When I tell you to do something, you do it."  
  
I get up. I can't deal with her right now. I can't deal with working with her sometimes. She thinks she can take control of me, and push me below her. Not happening this time.   
  
I walk over to where she's sitting and sit down next to her.   
  
"How about we just not work together on traumas?"  
  
She nods her head and looks back at me.   
  
"Sorry."  
  
I fix her ID on the pocket of her coat. I love how she used to have two of them. One for her med school days, and one for her nurse shifts. I look at her, she has her head buried into her hands. I pull one of her hands away and intertwine my fingers with hers. I do that out of habit. It annoys her sometimes. It might annoy me more, we'll never know. I move closer to see her face, she looks liek she's almost smilling, but I can't tell in the dim light. I lean in and she moves closer, our lips meet. The second time that day. My heart stops beating. Her hands rest on my cheek, pulling me closer and closer to her body. I can feel her pulling me down, on top of her. This feels so wrong. This isn't right. She's manipulating me, using me. I don't care. She can use me all she wants. No. I break away from her kiss.   
  
"I thought you said that we couldn't do this..."  
  
She collapses dejected on the bed.   
  
"We shouldn't."   
  
I still can't find a reason why we can't be together.   
  
"Why?"  
  
She looks up at the ceiling, anything to avoid looking at me.   
  
"Because it's complicated between us... Everything's too complicated."  
  
I sit up and she does the same.   
  
"We can work through it."  
  
I look at her, looking for some sign of hope. She stands up and walks over to me. Her deep brown eyes burn into mine.   
  
"No. We can't." 


	4. Redemption

Author's Notes: Enjoy... LOL Believe me. You will.. :-) It's the most random thing I have ever written, but I have had so much fun writing this chapter.. I have no clue what I'm going to do for the next one... But yeah... LOL any suggestions?   
  
~*~  
  
This woman is unbelievable. She makes me feel like I can do anything but she can weigh me down to the deepest part of the ocean. I don't know what else do to. Its been a long, complicated day. Way too many patients all at once, way too much Abby for one year. I'm done. All I want to do is collapse on a soft couch and sleep. I walk through the busy streets of Chicago. Wonderful. Rush hour traffic is the worst. Strangely enough, I'm going to her home. Kat is still in one of her moods, there is no point in going home. We broke up today. I told her that I couldn't deal with all this anymore, and she told me she was done lying to me. It's all okay. We never really had anything anyway. I make my way up her stairs and knock on her door. She opens the door and she leans against the barely opened door.   
  
"You again?"  
  
I give her a small smile and she rolls her eyes.   
  
"I hope you brought a peace offering... Like food."  
  
I shake my head. I knew I should have picked something up, but then again, there's the beauty of delivery. We've done this before, why do I always forget? She sticks her tongue out at me and I quickly push past her and pick her up. Her feet kick the air, helpless. I throw her on the couch and grab her phone.   
  
"What do you want?"  
  
I press number three on the speed dial and wait for the restaurant to answer. I know what she wants, but then again, she can throw me off guard once in a while and order something different.   
  
"Chicken Alfredo and a side salad."  
  
I nod my head and repeat her order to the waiter. I give him my order and look back at Abby. She's lying on the sofa, her sweat pants way too big on her. Her shirt reveals a bare midriff and her breasts are slightly highlighted by the blue material. She gives me a look. I'm probably starring again. I wish I could get her out of my head, but I can't. It's impossible. I've tried way too many times before.   
  
"Anything else?"  
  
I see her start to smile. She sits up and starts to laugh.  
  
"Yeah. A big slice of chocolate cake."  
  
I roll my eyes at her and she plops back down on the sofa. I repeat her subtle request to the waiter and he says it will be about an hour. I hang up and put the phone back on its charger. I look back at Abby as she shuffles back to the kitchen. I take my jacket off and throw it on the sofa. She walks back and hands me a bottle of water. I sit down next to her on the sofa and she clicks on the TV.  
  
"What is it with women and chocolate?"  
  
She rolls her eyes and stretches out her feet along my lap. I wish I knew about the chocolate. I swear, every man can make up with a woman by offering her chocolate.   
  
"Chocolate is better than sex."  
  
I look at her and she's smiling like never before. She looks so beautiful. I don't know what it is, ever since I've come back, she's been different. She smiles more, seems to be full of life. It's a nice change. I love it. I love her. I wish I could block all my feelings for her, but I can't. They power my world every day. I'm as close to her right now as I ever will be. We can be together every day for the rest of our lives, but we'll be friends. I can't deal with that.   
  
"Yeah, well I think sex with me was excluded from those studies."  
  
She starts to laugh and rolls her eyes. She starts to bite on her tongue, but I have no clue what she's thinking.   
  
"No... I think a head of lettuce is better than sex with you."  
  
I take the pillow that's lying next to be and toss it over at her. It hits her chest and she mocks being hurt. She places the pillow behind her head and curls up with it. I run my hand up and down her thigh and I hear her sigh gently.  
  
"I don't get a chance to redeem myself, do I?"  
  
She shakes her head and her energy seems to be gone. We sit in a comfortable silence for a while. Some show on TV catches my attention for a few seconds and we watch that. The doorbell rings and I get up to get the food. Time passes so quickly between us sometimes. I feel like time hates having us together and purposely goes faster to piss me off. I take the food from the man and make my way to the kitchen. I hear her footsteps behind me.   
  
"I"ve been thinking..."  
  
She's standing at most, a centimeter behind me. I can feel her breath on my neck and I soon feel her arms wrap around my stomach. I turn around and meet her gaze in the dim light.   
  
"About?"  
  
My voice comes out as eager as a schoolboy's. She is so close to me, yet untouchable at the same time.   
  
"I think you should redeem yourself... Chocolate has way too many calories."  
  
I feel her sweet lips upon my own and her hands run up and down my chest. I seek entry into her mouth, and I'm met with no resistance. Our food is left on the kitchen table, undisturbed. She leads me to forbidden territory: the bedroom.   
  
"Abby..."  
  
She kisses me tightly on the lips.   
  
"Not yet.. But at least you remember my name."  
  
I place a stream of kisses down her neck. I've been dreaming and fantasizing about this for months, yearning for her touch and her laughter. I just want to hold her and call her mine. But this is all coming so fast; better than I had ever imagined. I break away from her kiss, looking at her glowing face, her deep brown eyes, her hair framing her face.   
  
"Are you sur..."  
  
My words are broken off. She pulls my shirt up over my head and pushes me down onto the bed.   
  
"Do me a favor, just shut up."  
  
I'll oblige to that request. 


	5. Don't Want Perfection

Author's Notes: I like writing this. It's just random and fun. Enjoy. And thank you to everyone who reviewed!!! 0_o   
  
~*~  
  
I had this really wonderful dream last night that Abby and I made love all night. I'm scared to open my eyes and realize it was only a dream. I hate the fact that she's not mine, that she will never be mine. She means more to me than the world. I would do anything for her, if she would only know all these things. I've never told her any of this. I'm afraid it would push her away even faster. I feel the springs of a bed creak and I open my eyes. I open my eyes lightly and my dream is reality. She rests her head on my chest and I wrap my arms around her. I kiss her forehead and run my hand over her body.   
  
"Wasn't last night enough for you?"  
  
I brush the hair out of her face. She gives me a smile; she glows.   
  
"With you? Never."  
  
Her fingers run over my body, teasing me. Its her little game that she used to do. She knows it drives me crazy. I search for her lips and meet them; a strange array of sugar and spice, a drug. A highly addictive drug. But the good part: it's all natural and legal.   
  
"I have a shift in an hour."  
  
I kiss her body, pulling her closer and closer under the covers.   
  
"When's the last time you called in sick...?"  
  
Weaver will probably be as angry as ever, but I don't care. I need her. We've spent too much time apart to let her go now. I want her. I need her. I can't go on without her.   
  
"A while."  
  
A grin passes along her face and she reaches over to me to grab the phone. Her breasts rub against my bare chest, and a hold her position on top of me . She quickly tells Jerry that she's not coming in and hangs up. I give her strong kiss on her lips and she starts to get out of bed.   
  
"Leaving me already?"  
  
She pulls on my shirt and buttons the first three buttons.   
  
"You bore me."  
  
I get up and follow her towards the kitchen. She sets the pot for a cup of coffee and walks towards the table to sit down. I follow her and rest my hands on her shoulders. She pulls away and rests her elbows on the table and her head into her hands. She stares straight at the dark brown wood. I walk to her side and kneel down in front of her.   
  
"Abby..."  
  
She looks away from me, wanting to disappear.   
  
"That shouldn't have happened."  
  
I take her hand gently into mine, placing a small kiss upon her olive skin. I rub her hand with my thumb, and she wants to pull it back, but I don't let her.   
  
"I love you."  
  
She starts to shake her head and I pull her into my lap. We both collapse on the floor, and I get a little laugh from her. She lays her head onto my shoulder and my hands run up and down her back.   
  
"You don't love me. You're in love with some image that I will never meet."  
  
That's not true. We've both changed a lot, and I've learned that the only person to change Abby, will be Abby. She has so much good inside of her, but she has to be the one to uncover that good. Anything I do is pointless. She is the most amazing, spectacular person I have ever met. I would never want to change her. She's perfect enough for me with all her insecurities, doubts, and fears. Plus perfect gets a little boring after a while.   
  
"If I didn't love you, would I be sitting on a cold ceramic floor so you wouldn't have to?"  
  
She rolls her eyes at me and sticks her tongue out. I can see the tears she's trying to control in her eyes. I give her another kiss on the cheek and lay my head on top of hers. I take her fingers and lace them within mine.   
  
"We've both going to end up hurt again, you know that don't you?"  
  
I wish she would stop thinking so negatively. I want this to stick more than I have ever wanted anything in my life, and we can do it. It will take more gritting teeth, a lot of arguments, and a lot of makeup sex, but we can do it. I don't want this to be perfect. I doubt I can stress that enough. I don't want candlelight dinners every night. I don't want her to swear sexy clothes every night, I'd rather see her in a pair of my sweat pants and my shirt. Fairy tales tell lies. I don't want a fairy tale. I want her. Nothing has to happen exactly as I planned it. As long as I can come home and have a bit of her here with me, it will all be okay.   
  
"My ass is already hurting, thank you."  
  
I can see the pout on her lips beginning to form, and she starts to get up. She offers her hands to me and I take them. After a little struggle, I'm back at my place towering over her. We both hesitate with what to do. After a one second our whole relationship has changed. I wouldn't think twice about making her laugh, but everything is suddenly so delicate. And that's the one thing I don't want to happen. I pull her into a hug and wrap my arms around her. She's real.   
  
"So what now?"  
  
I push the strands of hair away from her face and tilt her head upward to eye level with mine.   
  
"I could go find my knight costume, my white horse, and my dragon... We could have the dragon kidnap you and have me fight it for you... Or I could just sweep you off your feet right now and never put you down. Your choice."  
  
Her hands wrap around my neck and she has this gorgeous smile plastered across her face. The light breaks through the windows behind her and she looks like a princess, or a goddess.   
  
"What? No black knight? I always thought he was always mysterious and sexy..."  
  
I stick my tongue out at her and she runs her hand through my hair.   
  
"You never told me if I was better than chocolate..."  
  
She breaks away from me, a sly grin still on her lips.   
  
"You've made your way up the ranking of a carrot."  
  
She hurriedly shuffles away and I chase after her. I grab her around her waist and pull her back into my arms. I pick her up from her knees and she squeals with glee. I put her on the bed and climb in. We're both breathing heavily. My head rests on her chest and her fingers lazily play with my hair. This is beyond perfect. 


	6. Anger Management

Author's Notes: Next Chapter Have fun. And thank you to everyone for the reviews!! You guys are awesome!!!! :-) If you ever wanna talk to me, email me: ellaspyrka@yahoo.com, my AIM screen name is Fortunes Fool 97 and my MSN messenger thing, well just type in my email address... LOL Thank again!! And Enjoy! As always!!   
  
~*~  
  
I walk back against the strong Chicago wind towards her, trying not to trip over the children running underneath my feet, and the exasperated parents chasing them. I'm holding two cups of coffee and I doubt that it would make the situation any better by spilling the steaming hot liquid all over myself. Yeah, that would definitely be a turn on. I see her hair being blown around by the wind, and she struggles to control it. I hand her the cup and she nods her head, appreciating the gesture. I sit next to her on the bench, and it creaks underneath my weight. The wind is violent, a sharp contrast to the shining sun and light blue water. I take a sip of my coffee, and it's really bitter. I put it down on the ground and put arm around Abby's shoulders. She remains stiff, I can't phase her.   
  
"You know we've got a lot of things to think through, right?"  
  
I nod my head. I knew this conversation was going to happen eventually, I just never thought it would happen today. I would have better prepared myself. She pushes a few inches away from me and quickly wraps her arms around herself.   
  
"Are you mad at me or something?"  
  
She stands up and walks around the bench, I follow her with my eyes. She's shutting herself off from me, I know how she works. She holds her cup in her hand, swirling the mixture over and over again.   
  
"Mad? Why would I be mad? You only left me after I begged you to stay. You broke up with me in a letter the whole ER read. You slept with a woman a few days afterwards, and knocked her up. Of course I'm not mad."  
  
I can feel my face cringing. That was a very low blow, but it was the truth. At least she's not lying. So I made mistakes. Everyone's entitled to make them.   
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
She walks over the to the edge of the shower and leans over, looking at the water slam against the rocks.   
  
"Sorry sometimes isn't enough. Did you even think of how I might feel? How would you feel if I knocked up some woman three days after dumping you?"  
  
I bite my tongue from laughing at that prospect. That would be quite interesting to say the least. She turns around and sees the smile beginning to form on my face. She rolls her eyes. She leans down and picks up a stick off the floor. I feel it hit my shoulder a few seconds later.   
  
"And that would be assault and battery."  
  
She turns back around towards the shore and I see her take a drink of coffee. She runs her hand through her hair, and pushes the stray hairs out of her way.   
  
"Tell me how I'm supposed to trust you? You told me... You promised me you would always be there..."  
  
I start to stand, heading over to her. I try to put my arm around her shoulders, but she runs out of the way. I don't blame her. I was only thinking of myself at the time. Everything was collapsing around me, and she was obsessed with her brother. It was a bad time. I had to realize I wasn't the only one on the face of the planet. I manage to rest my hand on her hip, and she leans against me.   
  
"I don't know what to do to make you give me a second chance."  
  
Her head goes on my shoulder and I wrap my arms closely around her.   
  
"The second chance you've already been given. It's making promises that you suck at."  
  
I place a kiss on her head, and grab her free hand.   
  
"I promise not to promise."  
  
She hits me slightly on the arm and I continue to hold her.   
  
"Your worse than a three year old."  
  
I stick out my bottom look, giving her the ever-irresistible puppy dog look. She starts to laugh a little and squeezes my cheeks with her fingers. I take her hand back into mine and she plants a gentle kiss on my cheek.   
  
"That face... That face is very sexy..."  
  
I can feel my eye brows arching and she starts to laugh. I run my hand up and down her back and my hand rests comfortably on her round little butt. I slid my hand into her back pocket and she shoots me a look. She shakes her head disapprovingly and we start to walk towards the beach. If it was warmer, I'd suggest a little dive, but the water is freezing. Her arm is around my waist and her head snuggles onto my arm as we walk.   
  
"Comfortable?"  
  
She shrugs her shoulders against me.   
  
"Not really... I forgot my sunglasses and you double as an umbrella."  
  
I pull on a string of hair and she lets out a laugh.  
  
"Haha.. Funny."  
  
She ejects her body from mine, but our hands remain interlocked.   
  
"We need to talk more."  
  
Her voice carries no air of a joke. She's completely serious, and I completely agree with her. We've grown closer, but we've never really touched on the important topics, the topics that we've carried inside ourselves at the back of our minds. Questions that we never got to ask, questions that destroyed us. I look around the beach, its primarily empty. I let her hand go and sit down on the warm sand.   
  
"So let's talk." 


	7. Sandy Moments

Author's notes: Random chapter. I do not own any of the characters or actors nor do I get any money off of this... Although my newly started novel on fictionpress.com... Yes I might make some money off taht... someday.. okay enough i'm shutting up enjoy!!  
  
~*~  
  
"You know masturbation shrinks it right?"  
  
What in this bloody world? I turn my head toward her so fast that I think I pulled a muscle.   
  
"Glad I got your attention."  
  
If that was the attention grabber, I don't think I needed to know. The sand flows inbetween my toes, and I play with the warm grains, sifting them through my fingers. She sits on the ground next to me, her hair flipping through the breeze. I stop playing with the sand, and look back up at her. She looks almost vulnerable. Her pout is clearly visible to me. She's staring out at the ocean. I can feel the tension between us. I love how her mood can change from one moment to the next. She's done alot of pushing her feeling to the side, and I think its time we sort everything out. I've pushed out alot of things for her too. I thought Kem was my saviour. She wasn't. I thought the same thing of Kathryn. I was wrong again. I've had the best thing in front of me all the while, and I just refused to recognize it. I never even thought of how this might affect her. Our relationship suddenly hit a brick wall. We're not friends anymore, we're lovers. The rules have suddenly changed, and I think that's the part that ultmiately destoryed us the first time. I felt like I had to be there for her, for everything. We never got our time alone, and we stopped talking. We would talk, except the words would have no meaning behind them. Every onec in a while she would let me in to her pain, and I would hurt with her. That was the rare occasion. Her finger traces the side of my face and I look towards her. She looks so lost and empty inside her brown eyes.   
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
She deverts her gaze away from me intentionally. The words too oversaid, no more meaning left behind them. I want to make her believe that when I say them, they are true. She's changed in so many ways, becomes this open, funny, wonderful person. Yet she still guards herself from being hurt. Only in love.   
  
"For?"  
  
I sit up, moving closer to her. The distance between us has to stop. I feel like I'm pushing her away more and more. If I knew we would end up like this, I wouldn't have pushed. I wouldn't have given in. I kiss her gentle on the temple.   
  
"For everything I've done to you; the pain I put you through, for the tears you cried for me."   
  
I watch her curl up her legs closer to her, putting her head into the nest she formed.   
  
"Yeah well, if you haven't noticed Lake Michigain is about a foot higher."  
  
I run my hand through her hair. Why was I stupid enough to loose her?   
  
"I love you."  
  
She looks back out at the water and sky. I didn't expect her to reply. She never does. She may never. I'll be okay with it.   
  
"I love you, too. Although you are an idiot."  
  
She gets up and starts to walk away while I'm still comprehending what she just said. I think I've just been called an idiot. The little twerp. I get up racing off after her. She sees me coming and starts to run in the sand, not a good mix. I catch up to her, wrapping my arms around her body and spinning her around in my arms. I lay a kiss on her neck and another on her shoulders. She pulls my hand towards the path and then lets it go. I go behind her and place my hands into her back pocket. A little squeeze makes her jump. And of course I don't get away with it either. Her hands quickly maneuver to my oh most favorite spot and I'm left wishing. She starts to run in front of me and I can only watch her go, a smile plastered across her face.  
  
"But Ab-by! That's not fair."  
  
She sends me the innocent little angel smile.  
  
"You started it sweetheart."  
  
I'll sweetheart you, the little monster. I chase over her, her laugh echoes over the waves. I grab her and throw her over my shoulder for good measure. We probably look like two teenagers but I could care less what anyone else says. I turn her over and carry her in my arms like a baby. Her head rests against my shoulder and left arm is wrapped around her back and my right arm supports her by the knees. We finally get back to her apartment and I place her on the couch. She pulls me down next to her and curls up right next to me. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and she carelessly flips through the shows on TV. There's nothing good on. Well except for reruns of some show called ER. She has this sudden infatuation with one of the doctors. His name is Dr. Noah Wyle or something. And his relationship with some nurse? Maura something or other I think. Doesn't matter. She settles on the watching a rerun and I can see her falling asleep. I place delicate kisses along her collar, and she quietly sighs, probably as lost in the moment as I am. 


End file.
